Archive for the ‘1’ Category

Faux Fried Fish

March 20, 2010

This weekend I’ve been faced with a dilemma. We’re at my in-laws, and my in-laws are not on a diet like I am. They have tried really hard to make sure there are things in the house that I can eat, but tonight it all came down to me. What do I want for supper. Sometimes it’s really not that simple. I eat what I CAN, not what I WANT anymore. So I decided that instead of having them make food for them, and fix something different for me (which makes me feel really bad and singled out), I offered to cook. My father-in-law took me to the fish market this evening where the nice lady showed me some Perch that is cleaned, boned, and was living this morning. The thing I liked the most about it is that it didn’t smell like gnarly underpants. I’m REALLY cravin’ the fried goodness of Fish’n’Chips in the bad way, so I have devised a plan to cook the beautiful piece of fish in the oven to make them crunchy and awesome like Fried Fish without all of the oil. Excellent. Now if only there were potatoes in the house…

For Faux-Fried Fish (in this case: Perch) you need:

1 ½ Cups of Flour
2 Eggs
1 Cup of Milk
2 Cups of Obliterated Saltine Crackers or Bread Crumbs
A smidgen of Salt, Pepper, Chili Powder, and Sage
Deboned, skinned Fish for 4 people (about 2lbs of Fish in pieces)

First set up your workstation. This is important because it minimizes the mess by a BUNCH. Your workstation should go in this order, from left to right: Flour Mixture (Flour, herbs and spices, salt and pepper), Egg and Milk Mixture (Egg and Milk mixed together), Crushed Cracker Mixture (just crushed crackers or breadcrumbs),Aluminum Baking Pan.

Take a piece of Fish and place it on top of your Flour mixture. Move it around to make sure every little bit of the fish is covered with flour but NOT caked with it.

Dip the Floured Fish in the Egg and Milk, but DON’T let it sit. You just want to get it wet and get that sucker into the crackers.

Move the Fish into the crackers and make sure the Fish is covered and NOT caked, like I said before. This is going to make sure that the Fish is crispy, not hard.

Get the fish into your Aluminum Baking Pan. Repeat with all of the Fish pieces. Bake in a 350°F (180°C) oven for about 25 minutes, until you see the lovely pieces of Fish turning golden brown.

Serve next to a hefty-sized pile of roasted potatoes or my infamous Honey Mustard Roasted Veggies.

Love, Peace, and Favorable Seas, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Want to get in touch? Leave me a note in the comments or e-mail me! Btchinfixins@gmail.com

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Kate’s TOP SECRET Chocolate Chip Cookies

March 1, 2010

I know there are like a bazillion recipes for Chocolate Chip Cookies out there. Everyone seems to have their own twist, and mine is using no white sugar. This makes them a little butterscotchy. I’ve had a request from a few of my friends here in Italy for the recipe that made me famous around the office, and BOY HOWDY will they be surprised! There are a few ingredients that I don’t think they will expect. Just a warning, the dough WILL BE CRUMBLY. For chewy cookies, this is important. And for a few of my friends who can’t handle milk, this recipe has very little dairy. Fudging and eating a cookie or three won’t hurtcha any.

For Kate’s TOP SECRET Chocolate Chip Cookies, heres whatcha need:

1 1/4 cups of Flour
1 cup of Brown Sugar
1 Cup of Oil
1 packet of Vanilla Pudding Mix (Half Packet in the USA)
1 Large Egg
1 tsp of Baking Powder (or 1/2 bustina of Lievito per Dolci)
1/2 cup of Chocolate Chips
A pinch of Salt
A drizzle of Lemon Juice

Put all of your dry ingredients (Flour, Baking Powder, Brown Sugar, Salt) into a big bowl. Use your hand to mix them together and get all the chunks out.


Make yourself the Pit of Sarlacc (See, again, Return of the Jedi) and pour in your liquids (Oil, Egg, Lemon Juice).


Mix everything together with a spoon until it all comes together. Add in your Chocolate Chips and use your hand to mix them in. This will make the dough a little smoother and hold together better. ATTENTION: THE DOUGH WILL BE CRUMBLY. DON’T PANIC. PLEASE RELOCATE YOUR TOWEL AND CALM DOWN! (See The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)


Cover a cookie sheet with Wax Paper. Use a couple of spoons to press together perfectly round cookies. This will keep the dough from falling apart on the sheet.


Slide your cookie off the spoon and onto the wax paper. Depending on how big you make your cookies, you should be able to get from 8 to 12 cookies on your sheet.


Put your cookies into a 350° oven for 8-10 minutes. Keep an eye on them after 8 minutes so they don’t burn. At this point, feel free to waste those 8 minutes in a large sweater, dirty apron, and red face from the hot oven while playing Psychobilly Freakout on Hard (See Guitar Hero 2 and/or 5).


Take your cookies out of the oven and let them cool until they’re no longer brittle.


And there you have it! Feel free to add nuts or replace the chocolate chips with M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces. 😀


Love Peace and Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Feeling the urge to E-mail me? EXCELLENT SMITHERS! BtchinFixins@gmail.com