Birthday Chili

Birthday Chili is, in fact, different from any other Chili in the UNIVERSE. It’s a fact. I’m not even kidding. This Chili is special because not only is it packed with vegetables that my husband will eat, not only is it made in Italy with the Italian equivalent ingredients of the ingredients I would have used back home, but it is made specifically to fit the request of my Mother-in-Law for her birthday supper. She didn’t want us to buy her anything, she didn’t want a party, but when I asked her if she’d like me to cook; her invisible tail began to wag and I KNOW how much she likes my home made Chili.

This Chili is VERY versatile. You can put just about anything in it and have it still come out awesome. I’ve put Artichoke Hearts and whole cloves of Garlic in it before and it came out perfect. This recipe is just BEGGING for fresh veggies and hot peppers. Don’t be afraid of experimenting! It really feels good to just throw a bunch of random crap into a pot and let it stew for a while, then try it and feel like a champion when it is oddly awesome. You’ll look at yourself in the mirror and see a side of you never before seen and say ‘WHO ARE YOU!?… and WHY is this Delicious?!’

For Birthday Chili for 4 people, here is what you’ll need:

2 cans of Red Beans
2 good sized Handfuls of Ground Beef
1 can of Tomato Pureé
1 large Tomato, disemboweled and maimed.
1 medium Onion, Karate Chopped
1 smallish Red or Green Bell Pepper, Samurai Sworded
1 small can of Sweet Corn
½ of a medium sized Red Chili Pepper, Mangled and Abused
1 Dried Chipotle Pepper, halved and seeded. (optional)
Salt, Pepper, and Garlic Paste to taste

First, put on some latex gloves and chop up your onion, chili pepper, and bell pepper. Why the gloves, you ask? Because you don’t want onion and hot peppers on your hands the next time you have the urge to itch your eye or wipe your butt… Not forget to get rid of all of the seeds in the chili pepper or you’ll have a hot surprise later when you chomp down on one of them suckers.

Throw them in the pot with your handfuls of ground beef.

Crank the heat up to Medium-High and move the mix around until the meat it brown and the juices in the pot aren’t cloudy anymore.

Drain the cans of Beans and dump ‘em in.

Dump in your Tomato Pureé and stir it in.Use the back of your spoon to smash about half of the beans against the wall of the pot. This is IMPORTANT because this step will make your Chili nice and creamy and smooth in the end.

Bring down the heat to Medium-Low and let it stew for a little bit while you prepare your other ingredients. Cut your Tomato in half and use your finger to disembowel it. You don’t want any of those seeds in the Chili. Chop up the Tomato halves and throw them in the pot.

Drain your Sweet Corn and throw them in, too. Now is the time to season the Chili. Add a half a teaspoon of salt, a hefty dash of black pepper, a dried Chipotle pepper (seeded and halved), and a little turd of garlic paste or smashed garlic. Stir around and give it a taste. Adjust your seasoning to your taste. Let the Chili stew for about 40 minutes. Don’t forget to remove your dried peppers before serving or you might get a very spicy piece of wood on your spoon! Serve up hot with a side of either Corn Bread or Polenta.

Not bad, huh? Now it’s your turn to add something interesting to the mix. Chipotle peppers? Eggplant? Chickpeas? Asparagus? Why not!

Love Peace and Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Think I need to have my head checked? Have a recipe I should try? Have a request for an article? E-Mail me for goodness sakes! BtchinFixins@gmail.com

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