Grandpa Dick’s Strawberry-Pineapple Pie

bitchinfixins — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 21:01:50 +0000

My great granddad Richard (Grandpa Dick) is one of my all time favorite people. I loved that man more than words can say. He was bald, died with only one lung and a cigarette in his hand, was missing fingers for god only knows what reason (he told me a different story every time about how it happened), and used to tell me stories of how the Chinook Indians ambushed him and his buddies in the middle of the night and scalped them all and that’s why he was bald. He had a picture of me, 5 years old, stitches in my forehead from a jumping-on-the-furniture type accident, on his kitchen wall next to the cabinet where he kept the rat poison. He made the best white bread in the UNIVERSE, and the best fruit pies of any person alive. The myth and the legend that was Grandpa Dick shared his secrets only with me (from what I kn0w). Tonight I made his Strawberry Pineapple Pie and it really turned out great. I miss fishing with him, I miss laughing when he took out his false teeth, I miss sitting on his rusty step stool watching him bake sailor style… but death is a part of life and in my family, we pass on to our youth the things in our life that will make the biggest difference. My Grandpa Dick gave me the love of baking delicious things that make the house smell wonderful and brings the family together to eat and enjoy eachother’s company. This is one of those recipes.

For Grandpa Dick’s Strawberry Pineapple Pie, get this stuff ready:

(crust)
1 cup of Margarine
1/2 cup of Iced Water
3 cups of Flour
1/2 tsp of Salt
1 tablespoon of Sugar

(filling)
1 can of Pineapple Nibblets
2 small cartons or 1 big carton (like mine) or fresh, rinsed Strawberries
2 heaping tablespoons of Cornstarch
1/2 cup of Sugar
One big squeeze of Lemon Juice

For the filling, dump your Nibblets and only half of the juice from the can into a big bowl. Clean and slice your Strawberries and dump those into the bowl, too.

Add your Cornstarch, Sugar, and Lemon. Mix them together until the juices get all cloudy.

Pop the bowlful into the microwave for 10 minutes, and remember to give them a stir every 2 minutes or so. After the 10 minutes in the microwave, the juices should start to thicken and get all gooey. If they aren’t, try another 5 minutes in the microwave. NOTE: I forgot to start out the recipe in a microwave-safe bowl, so I had to transfer the filling into a glass bowl for the microwave part. Please start out this recipe in a microwave-safe bowl!

Now for the crust. I like to use my food processor for this just because its less messy, but you can also use the old fashioned two forks and a bowl method. Throw your Margarine, Flour, Salt, and Sugar into the food processor.

Pulse the mixture until there are no more pieces of Margarine and the mixture is very moist. Dump in your water and turn the food processor on low until the mixture looks like a big ball.

Divide the dough into two equal portions. Flour your rolling surface and press one dough portion into a little cow patty.

Roll it out evenly until its about a half a centimeter thick.

Fill your pie pan or glass baking dish with it and make sure there is dough hanging over the sides for later.

Remember to flour your rolling pin and rolling surface again before starting in on the top crust! Roll it out. Pour in your pie filling, then top with the crust you just rolled out. Cut off the excess and roll the edges together like you would a cigarette (gross, but I couldn’t think of another non-illegal example). Crimp the edges with a fork and score the top of the pie so the innards can release some heat.

Bake at 375°F (180°C) for 30 minutes, or until the top and edges start to brown.

Dead people don’t read blogs, but I hope I did my great granddad justice. It would break my heart if I ever let such a great man down. I love you Grandpa Dick! Catch ya on the flip side! Love, Peace, and Scalpin’ Indians!
Visualize Whirled Peas!
Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Easy Ricotta and Honey Tart with Baked Apples

bitchinfixins — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 20:51:09 +0000

So tonight my husband went on a ‘no-wives-allowed’ type business meeting, so I had to stay home and find something to do. He was thoughtful enough to buy me a pizza and make sure the table was set for me before he left, so I thought I would be thoughtful and fix him dessert for when he got home. This is a recipe I’ve adapted from a cooking show I saw from back in 1998 (when I was 12) called Two Fat Ladies. I saw the episode today while I was half asleep. They filled this tart with tea-infused PRUNES and RAISINS. GNARLY. The British are usually really good at sweets, but this was a recipe I knew needed revamping. So I thought maybe instead of (GAG) Prunes and (HOARK) Raisins I’d substitute them for some baked apples. Its been a pretty good choice, I’d say!

What you’re gonna need for Ricotta Honey and Baked Apple Tart:

(filling)
500g of Ricotta cheese
2 heaping tablespoons of Honey
1/4 cup of Brown Sugar
1 egg
1 tablespoon of Lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon of Cinnamon
1 Apple (peeled, gutted, dismembered, and baked at 400°F for 10 minutes)
Almond flakes or pieces (optional)

(crust ingredients not pictured… sorry guys… I forgot)
1 1/2 cups of annihilated graham crackers and/or cookies
6 tablespoons of butter or Vegetable based substitute
1/4 cup of brown sugar

Start by putting the Ricotta, Brown Sugar, Egg, Honey, Cinnamon, and Lemon into a bowl.

Whisk everything together until its smooth. Set the bowl aside and move on to your crust.

Annihilate your Graham Crackers and Cookies. I used half multigrain graham crackers and half Grancereale crunchy whole grain cookies. Use a food processor or a blender for this. If you don’t have one, a heavy duty ziplock baggie and a meat mallet should work perfectly.

Add the butter or butter-like stuff, and brown sugar.

Pulse the food processor until the mixture is nice and moist. If you’re using the meat mallet version, put your crushed cookies into a bowl and MELT the butter before adding it with the sugar.

Press into a medium sized glass or aluminum tart dish or pie plate. The crust should be a little less than pinky-finger-width deep. Use a spoon to press the crust up the sides and make it even. Put it in the oven on 400°F for about 10 minutes until it gets hot and starts to crisp up on the edges.

Pour your filling into the already half-baked (tee hee!) pie shell. Smooth it out with a Spatula.

Sprinkle on your Almonds and then place your baked apples on top.

Place the whole kaboodle into a 400°F (200°C) oven for about 25 minutes. Basically until the top starts to brown just a tad and the center no longer wiggles when you shake it. Allow the tart to cool to room temperature BEFORE you put it in the fridge to chill or you’ll end up with a lake on top and that’s NOT tasty OR attractive.

Love, Peace, and Happy Bees, Friends! SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FARMERS AND BEEKEEPERS!
PLEASE BUY LOCAL, FARM-FRESH PRODUCE AND HONEY. CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN AND TAKE HOME A BETTER PRODUCT TO FEED TO YOUR FAMILY.

Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Home Made Hot Pockets

bitchinfixins — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:41:14 +0000

As most of you know, last week I’ve been sick. You know that stomach flu that wakes you up in the middle of the night and then your husband finds you the next morning curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet? THAT kind of sick. So cooking and eating wasn’t exactly on my to-do list for the week. This week, though, my appetite is back with a VENGENCE and tonight I had me a hankerin’ for a Turkey and Cheese Hot Pocket. The problem is that here in Italy Hot Pockets aren’t around. So I had to experiment and make my own. The interesting part is that in the process, I’ve inadvertently stumbled upon Pizza Crust. This had turned out to be an AWESOME pizza crust recipe for people who don’t like to use yeast. In this case, my Turkey and Cheese Hot Pocket turned out like a Calzone. You never know, maybe this week I’ll post a Pizza!

For Turkey, Egg, and Cheese Hot Pockets be ready with this stuff:

¾ Cup of warm Water
2 Cups of Flour, with some extra for your rolling pin and rolling surface
2 tsp of Baking Powder
1 tsp of Salt
A little Olive Oil
3 Hard Boiled Eggs
1 lump of Mozzarella
Deli Style or Roasted Turkey, in slices or pieces
Sliced, Preserved Asparagus (optional)

Put your flour, leavening, salt, and water into a bowl and use your hands to mix it up. Work it with your hands until its gummy and stretchy. If its too wet, add flour a tablespoon at a time until its right. Cut your ball in half and roll it out long enough to fold over toppings.

Add your toppings turkey-side down, cheese on top. I used sliced hard boiled eggs, canned asparagus, deli style sliced Turkey, and Mozzarella. But really, you can use just about anything that isn’t sure wet.

Pull the untoppinged side over the toppinged side. Cut off any excess. Fold the edges up and crimp them with a fork. Transfer the pockets onto a baking sheet and use your fingers or a brush to top them with a little Olive Oil.

Pop them into a 400°F (200°C) oven for about 20 minutes until the top and sides start turning brown.

And there you have it! This recipe is prime EXPERIMENTING material! PLEASE do so!
Love, Peace, and Mozzarella Cheese! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Faux Fried Fish

bitchinfixins — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 20:17:39 +0000

This weekend I’ve been faced with a dilemma. We’re at my in-laws, and my in-laws are not on a diet like I am. They have tried really hard to make sure there are things in the house that I can eat, but tonight it all came down to me. What do I want for supper. Sometimes it’s really not that simple. I eat what I CAN, not what I WANT anymore. So I decided that instead of having them make food for them, and fix something different for me (which makes me feel really bad and singled out), I offered to cook. My father-in-law took me to the fish market this evening where the nice lady showed me some Perch that is cleaned, boned, and was living this morning. The thing I liked the most about it is that it didn’t smell like gnarly underpants. I’m REALLY cravin’ the fried goodness of Fish’n’Chips in the bad way, so I have devised a plan to cook the beautiful piece of fish in the oven to make them crunchy and awesome like Fried Fish without all of the oil. Excellent. Now if only there were potatoes in the house…

For Faux-Fried Fish (in this case: Perch) you need:

1 ½ Cups of Flour
2 Eggs
1 Cup of Milk
2 Cups of Obliterated Saltine Crackers or Bread Crumbs
A smidgen of Salt, Pepper, Chili Powder, and Sage
Deboned, skinned Fish for 4 people (about 2lbs of Fish in pieces)

First set up your workstation. This is important because it minimizes the mess by a BUNCH. Your workstation should go in this order, from left to right: Flour Mixture (Flour, herbs and spices, salt and pepper), Egg and Milk Mixture (Egg and Milk mixed together), Crushed Cracker Mixture (just crushed crackers or breadcrumbs),Aluminum Baking Pan.

Take a piece of Fish and place it on top of your Flour mixture. Move it around to make sure every little bit of the fish is covered with flour but NOT caked with it.

Dip the Floured Fish in the Egg and Milk, but DON’T let it sit. You just want to get it wet and get that sucker into the crackers.

Move the Fish into the crackers and make sure the Fish is covered and NOT caked, like I said before. This is going to make sure that the Fish is crispy, not hard.

Get the fish into your Aluminum Baking Pan. Repeat with all of the Fish pieces. Bake in a 350°F (180°C) oven for about 25 minutes, until you see the lovely pieces of Fish turning golden brown.

Serve next to a hefty-sized pile of roasted potatoes or my infamous Honey Mustard Roasted Veggies.

Love, Peace, and Favorable Seas, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Want to get in touch? Leave me a note in the comments or e-mail me! Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Sun-Dried-Tomato-Pesto-Pasta-Salad + Fail.

bitchinfixins — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 20:34:48 +0000

I wanted to apologize for being a few days late on a new post. Not only have I recently committed a culinary failure, but it was a pretty epic one. Lets say that my kitchen has suffered a little bit as a result and its taken a few days to recover from the aftermath. I tried to stuff some Squid heads with rice. I bought fresh Squids, gutted them (I now know what Squid Sperm looks like…), cleaned them, went through the whole process… only to have them explode. My oven no longer looks at me the same way. Not only were they OBLITERATED in the cooking process, but they were absolutely disgusting. One of the worst meals I’ve ever attempted to consume. I felt terrible. I cried a little. Its always an emotional moment when someone who loves food like a family member has to drop it into the garbage can and clean up the massacre at the crime scene. I didn’t even want to LOOK at my kitchen the day after. Guilt… Remorse… A bad taste left in my mouth… I still don’t want to turn on my oven for fear it will make my house smell like death and Squid. So tonight I made Pasta Salad. Pasta Salad with Sun-Dried Tomatoes, Peas, Peppers, Mozzarella, and Pesto. Something to celebrate Springtime which has FINALLY arrived! Lets hope this will help recuperate my dropped Food-Karma levels…

For Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto Pasta Salad, you wanna have:

A bowlful of cooked, drained, non-spaghetti-like pasta
1 small Bell Pepper (or piece of a large one)
1 single serving of REAL Mozzarella
1 small can of Peas
1 handful of Sun-dried Tomatoes
1 small Shallot or Onion
2 Tablespoons of Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons of ready-to-eat Pesto (with or without Garlic)
Garlic (to add to the Pesto if it is Garlic-less Pesto

First, cook your pasta, drain it, put it in a bowl, toss with a little olive oil so the noodles don’t stick together, and set aside to cool.

Get your veggies ready by slicing the onion/shallot VERY thinly, cutting up the sun-dried tomatoes into little bits, and slicing the bell pepper into long strips.

Dump all of the veggies on top of the pasta, peas included, to make room on your cutting board.

This is a REAL Mozzarella. It doesn’t come semi-arid, shredded, in a ziplock baggie. It comes packed in its own water, and in lump form like THIS:

Cut up the Mozzarella into bite-sized pieces and dump them on top of the veggies on top of the pasta on a bump on a log in a hole in the bottom of the sea… er… yeah.

My Pesto came in a resealable container, so I was able to use it a little bit at a time instead of all at once. Unfortunately, it came to a point where there was enough pesto leftover for one bowl of pasta, and not two, so I added an equal amount of Olive Oil and a little Garlic to stretch it. Plus, straight Pesto has a REALLY strong flavor. Adding more Oil softened it a little bit and makes it a little less OH MY GOD THERE IS PESTO EVERYWHEEERRREEE!!!!

Pour your Pesto over the bowlful of ‘stuff’ and give it a good tossing. Cover the bowl loosely with aluminum foil and put it in the fridge for at least an hour. Serve alone, or with some Chicken on the side (or even tossed into the pasta salad!).

Love, Peace, and (saddly not so much) Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Pinzone allo Scalogno (Italian Table Bread with Shallots)

bitchinfixins — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:32:04 +0000

Italian Bread doesn’t always have to be the big wood-oven baked loaves you see on TV. A lot of Italians prefer bread that is made from the same basic ingredients as Pizza Dough. Pinzone is, basically, the love-child of Focaccia and Gnocco. Gnocco is heavy, spongy, oily, and kind of flavorless. Focaccia is like thick, chewy, Pizza Crust. A lot of times you will find both Gnocco and Focaccia with things like Onion on top, or Rosemary, or Cherry Tomatoes. Pinzone is no different, but I prefer it with Shallot or Onion. When you’re using it as table bread (meaning on the side of a meal) you don’t want huge, overwhelming flavors and mushy tomato spit all over everything. A little onion or shallot or even fresh, thinly sliced, garlic adds just enough chuzpah without standing apart from the flavors already on your plate.

For Pinzone allo Scalogno, you need this stuff:

1 1/2 cups of Flour
3/4 cup of Water
1 heaping teaspoon of Baking Powder
1 lacking teaspoon of Salt
Olive Oil
1 small Onion or large Shallot or 3 cloves of Garlic sliced thinly
A big pinch of large grain Seasalt

First, preheat your oven to 400°F (200°C). Put all of your dry ingredients into a big bowl (Baking Powder, regular Salt, Baking Powder, Flour).

Add the water and use your hands to mix it all together until it forms a ball. If you feel like your dough is too tough and isn’t picking up all of the flour, add a little more water about a tablespoon at a time until its smooth and not TOO sticky. It should be sticky, but not to the point you could find yourself in the bad position of your hands getting stuck together.

Plop your dough into a 9×9 inch baking pan, or one that is big enough to mush out the dough to about 3/4 of an inch thick.

Slice your Shallot (or whatever) nice and thin.

Spread the Shallot (or whatever) out evenly over the top of the dough. Use your fingers to lightly press the pieces into the dough just enough to where they don’t move around. Drizzle on some Olive Oil and use your fingers again to spread it out evenly, all the way to the edges. Sprinkle on your big grain Seasalt.

Huck it in the oven for 20 minutes in a spot in the oven far away from the top burners. They will burn the Shallot (or whatever) you put on top. When its golden on top, pull it out and let it cool so you can handle it.

Cut it up into squares and NOM AWAY!

Love, Peace, and (little to no) Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Wanna e-mail me? PLEASE DO! Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Minted Fillet of Tuna

bitchinfixins — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:42:34 +0000

I really DON’T like fish. I’m among those of the world who don’t like things that smell fishy… As a woman, if something starts to smell a little fishy its very hard to fight the urge to wash it with soap, hot water, and the shower-related equivalent of a Brillo pad. I don’t like how fish smells, how it feels in my mouth, how it makes the house smell like a long-forgotten pair of underpants that have found their way under the bed or behind the washing machine to stew for a few months. But because I can no longer frequent the Beef or Pork sections of the Meat Department at my local market, and Chicken gets old after a while, I’ve been literally FORCED to consider my options and bite the bullet. With Fish in general; I’ve found that the fresher the specimen, the less likely I am to hate it. If it was alive in the same day I happen to eat it, chances are I’m probably going to like it! So I did something SMART. Who me? Smart? Psh… DUH! I asked a friendly employee of the Meat Department at the market I go to and asked what days of the week they get their shipments of fresh fish, and at what hour of the day. I got lucky, and the day happens to be Thursday (my day off) at 7:30am, exactly 30 minutes before the store opens. I showed up this morning at 8:40, and was surprised to find Yellow Fin Tuna. Beautiful, gleaming, almost transparent, Yellow Fin Tuna. In STEAKS. This made me do that funny butt wiggle I do when I get all excited. So I bought one, along with some Squids who’s tentacles were still moving a little, and some Flat Fish. I drove them IMMEDIATELY home, and put everything but the Tuna in the freezer. I put the tuna in the Fridge because I had some plans for that little piece of meat come suppertime…

For Minted Fillet of Tuna you might wanna have this stuff hangin’ around:

1 or 2 Tuna Steaks/Fillets
1/3 Cup of Olive Oil
2 big squirts of Lemon Juice
1 big Sprig of Mint, rinsed and leaved
Black Pepper and Salt

First, Put your Mint into a Pile. Biggest on the bottom, smallest on top.

Make a little Mint Burrito… roll… thingy. Slice your Mint really thinly. That way the Mint Flavor and Oils will make it out of the leaf easier. I could have done this with my handy dandy kitchen scissors, but they were in the dish washer.

Put the Mint into a shallow bowl or a deep plate and use your fingers to mash the leaves up a little more.

Add the Oil, Lemon, Pepper, and Salt. Use the back of a spoon to mash up the Mint even MORE, and mix everything up.

Add the Fish. Make sure there is Mint all over the Fish and that all of the Fish has Oil on it. Let it sit for an hour in the Fridge, covered up.

Heat up a skillet to Medium High and toss the Fish into the pan. Let it cook for about 3 minutes on each side until the middle is turning golden, and the edged are brown and crispy.

Serve alone, on top of some salad greans (I chose some leftover fresh cabbage), or Cooked Rice!

Love Peace and (much loved and missed) Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Another Bi-Polar recipe: Oven Baked Risotto

bitchinfixins — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:11:42 +0000

Now that I’ve been condemned to diet for my health, I’ve been faced with a challenge every night: My husband doesn’t want to eat what I have to eat. The poor darling is trying so hard to be supportive and encourage me. He even hid the jar of Nutella so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat it. I’ve been wondering if there are other couples out there like Alessandro and I that either can’t or don’t want to eat the same things. For whatever the reason, be it for a diet or for being picky, I feel responsible for creating new recipes that can be fixed in the same dish or pan but the results are very different. In this case, I’ve used Arborio Rice and Beef Broth (because I can’t eat beef anymore, but I still really really like the flavor) for the base and separated the other ingredients so they don’t touch each other. My side has Oyster Mushrooms and Broccoli while Ale’s has Ground Beef and Corn. The flavors mix and a-mingle, but they don’t rock around the same tree if you know what I mean… Oh! And Risotto does NOT need to include cheese! Americans have strange conceptions about Italian cuisine. First, Fettuccine Alfredo is 100% NOT Italian and does NOT exist in Italy. Second, Italians are NOT Garlic fiends. Third, Meatballs are to be eaten ALONE or with mashed potatoes and NOT with Pasta. EVER. More on these misconceptions another time. Until then…

For Bi-Polar Oven Baked Risotto you’re gonna need:

1 cup of Uncooked Arborio Rice or Brown Rice
2 cups of simmering Broth (Beef or Vegetable)
1/2 cup Browned Ground Beef (drained)
1 small can of Corn
1/2 cup of each: Fresh or Frozen Broccoli and Mushrooms (I chose Oyster Mushrooms), all in smallish pieces.
1 baking dish that can be either covered in Aluminum foil or has a lid (Mine is Terra Cotta)

First, prepare your ingredients. Brown the Beef, Cut up your veggies, simmer your Broth, and drain your Corn. Arrange your ingredients on their appropriate sides of the dish. In this case; the ground beef on one side, mushrooms and broccoli on the other, and corn everywhere.

Evenly distribute the rice on top of the other ingredients.

Pour your hot broth over everything, but sllloooowwwwlllyyy. You don’t want to muss up your great divide.The broth should reach about a centimeter above the top of the vegetables and beef.

Cover the whole mess and put it into a 400°F (200°C) oven for about a half hour. Don’t worry if there is a little bit of extra liquid in the bottom. Once you get each side of the risotto into a bowl and get it moving, the rice will absorb everything.

Divide with a spoon and serve it up hot with a little grated cheese or some crushed nuts sprinkled on top!

Love Peace and (a little less) Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Like these easy low-maintenance recipes? Want something more complicated? Think I’m a crazy strawberry blonde looney-toon? Write to me in the comments or send me an e-mail! Btchinfixins@gmail.com

Artisan Mustard Chicken with Cabbage, Shallot, and Pear

bitchinfixins — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:53:04 +0000

So my doctor yelled at me today. He saw my triglyceride and cholesterol levels, and yelled. He said that there was no reason a young, healthy, not-lazy young lady to have levels this high. He said that even though I’m the type of person who absorbs ALL fats in the bad way, the numbers shouldn’t be this high. So not only am I on some new handy dandy medication, but I’m also on a diet. Not one of those ‘Low Fat’ or ‘Low Sugar’ bullshit diets… I’m on one of those hardcore ‘NO, IF ITS GOOD YOU CAN’T EAT IT’ diets. Low to No Cholesterol. Low to No Sugar. Absolutely NO Chocolate. At this point, I thought I could hear God ROFLing. Yeah, thanks a LOT, ass! Anyhow… Instead of sulking and letting it rule my life; I’ve decided to make it a challenge. Why should I let the foods that I can’t eat outshine the ones I can? I’ve got Poultry. I’ve got Lamb and Mutton. I’ve got white Fish and Shellfish. The doctor said I can even eat Horse meat! Too bad Horses are FRIENDS and not FOOD, damnit! But tonight, I wanted to showcase something delicious that is diet compliant, adventurous, and flavorful. The granular Mustard coming back for a guest spot, Cabbage NOT smelling like feet, and Pear rounding out the stronger flavors and bringing in a fruity tongue-spanking. Who ever thought dieting could be so PRETTY, too?!

For Artisan Mustard Chicken with Cabbage, Shallot, and Pear; Here’s what you need:

Chicken for two people (in this case, two small pieces and one big piece)
1 Tablespoon of Granular or Dijon style Mustard
1 Tablespoon of Olive Oil for the Chicken Sauce, 3 Tablespoons for the Cabbage, Shallot, and Pear
2 or 3 good glugs of Worchestershire sauce
Black Pepper, Garlic (optional), and Salt
1 Pear, washed, but not peeled (Because the skin is GOOD FOR YOU, DADBERNIT!)
2 Big Fistfuls of Shredded Purple and/or Green Cabbage
1 Large Shallot, sliced thinly

In a small bowl, mix the Mustard, Olive Oil, Black Pepper, and Worchestershire sauce.

Pour it out over the chicken, and spread it around so the mixture gets all over. Set the plate of chicken aside.

Core your Pear by cutting next to the core on all four sides.

Cut your pear pieces into strips.

Now, peel and slice your Shallot. Nice and thin or it won’t cook through in time.

Now throw your shredded cabbage, pear strips, and sliced shallot into a skillet with about 3 tablespoons of Olive Oil, Black Pepper, and a pinch of Salt. Turn your heat up on Medium High and let it cook.

Toss the mixture around with a fork to make sure everything is cooked evenly. Once the Cabbage and Pear soften and bend, it should be done. You want the cabbage cooked through, but still crisp. Place even portions of the cabbage mixture onto your serving plates, then put your Chicken into the same skillet you used. It saves dishes, don’tcha know!

Cook the Chicken, 3 minutes on both sides, on Medium High heat until you can press it with a fork and the juices that come out are clear. If it takes a little more time, don’t panic! Its all good in the hood! Place your cooked Chicken on top of your already prepared bed of Cabbage, Shallot, and Pear.

Please enjoy this dish with a Sweet White or Rosé wine, or Iced Herbal Tea with Honey. Why? Because its FANCY! When you’re on a diet, feeling fancy and special is very important to sticking to it and being successful! Try topping the dish with chopped Pistacchio Nuts, or Hazelnuts! Follow up the dish with an oven roasted Pear with Cinnamon! Anything to help you feel good about what you’re eating, as you always should. I am trying to eat by a new rule: If I think my Doctor will yell at me, or if I feel guilty for eating something, I probably shouldn’t eat it in the first place. This meal is guilt free, and would make my doctor wag his tail if he had one! Good, and GOOD!

Love Peace and (not so much) Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
Want to make a request? Have any questions? Comment, or e-mail me!
BtchinFixins@gmail.com

Polenta Fries

bitchinfixins — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:29:09 +0000

Lately, I’ve been changing my diet. Less grease, less sugar, less of the stuff that I love SO MUCH and I haven’t really been doing so well with it. Today, I have been fighting a really BAD craving for Steak Fries. You know… those fatty French fries that they serve next to a cheeseburger in a country-style diner? The ones you can use as ketchup shovels and double-dip them 3 times before you’ve finished the whole fry? Yeah. Those. I want them REALLY bad. So tonight we’re eating chicken nuggets (not fried, baked) and there are no Steak Fries to go with them. Instead, I’m making Polenta Fries! They’re AWESOME. They’re crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. Just like a Steak Fry. The difference is that they’re pan fried in Olive Oil, and seasoned with Vegetable Bouillon instead of a TON of salt. OK… a liiiiittle salt at the end… but not too much.

For Polenta Fries, you’re gunna need some of this stuff:

1 1/3 cups of Water, simmering in your saucepan
½ Cup of Quick Cooking Polenta + ½ Cup of Water (in the same bowl as the Polenta to make mush)
1 teaspoon of Vegetable or Chicken Bouillon powder
1/3 cup of Olive Oil
Salt

First, bring your 1 1/3 cups of water to a simmer. Add your Bouillon and let it dissolve.

Next, stir in your Polenta goop. Make sure you don’t find any lumps. Lower your heat to low and keep stirrin’ for about 2 minutes until the mixture gets thick and smooth.

Line a baking dish or something similar with wax paper to make your life easier later on. Pour your Polenta onto the wax paper and smooth it out with the back of a spoon. It should be about an inch thick. Note: Do yourself a favor and LICK THE SPOON WHEN YOU’RE DONE. Scrape out the extra Polenta from the saucepan, lick the spoon, anything to can to make sure there aren’t going to be Polenta chunks floating around in your dishwasher. Polenta clogs up the filter somethin’ awful.

Put your Polenta in the fridge for at least 45 minutes until its firm and the bottom of the dish is no longer warm to the touch. Take the Polenta, Wax Paper, and all out of the dish and lay it down on a cutting board. Start cutting the polenta with a knife into steak fry sized pieces.

Put your Oil into a large skillet and turn the heat up to Medium High. Lay some of the fries in about an inch apart and let them cook for about 3 minutes.The fries will absorb some of the oil, so between batches if you’re gettin’ a little low don’t be afraid to add a little more. It won’t hurtcha none.

Flip them over, and let the other side cook for about 3 minutes. Take the fries out and lay them out onto some paper towels to drain. Repeat until you’ve cooked all of your fries. Serve ‘em up on the side of Nuggets, Burgers, Steaks, Roasts… anything you’d normally see Steak Fries with! Make yourself some Honey Mustard or Fry Sauce and DIG IN!

Love Peace and Bacon Grease, Friends! Visualize Whirled Peas!
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